Tag Archives: The strangling effects of abuse

Mental abuse

Mental Abuse
Mental Abuse

The strangling effects of abuse

Many people are subject to abuse on a daily basis, and many of us are subject to it from an early age. Although the effects of abuse never become less injurious, we do get accustomed to being abused. In childhood when we get poked fun of by other children the scars can reach deep. Belittling comments that are commonplace such as ‘you are fat’ or ‘you are stupid’ may be more or less harmful to a child depending on the self esteem that has been instilled in the child: the stability and security that has been provided to the child, and how often the child is put down.

Generally abuse is learned to be tolerated at an early age. Even if we are not subject to the belittling comments repetedly from others into adulthood, the comment is learned and if we are not provided the stability and security or given enough leverage to develop our self esteem and self confidence the comment is turned into a negative affirmation. So in essence we start abusing ourselves.

Once we start internalizing the negative judgments, disparaging comments, and demeaning actions of others towards us, the abuse begins. A person can be bullied, humiliated, severely tortured for his characteristic {being fat or poor}, his past {decisions or background}, or his beliefs {same sex marriage),and once we internalize and start repeating to ourselves the negative comments of others the destructive aspect of abuse set in.

One can claim sympathy from others and themselves when they succumb to saying they are a victim of abuse. Yes, abuse does exist; yes, there are perpetrators of abuse, but the facilitator that converts the abuse (n) into abusive and debilitating (adj) is the individual receiving the abuse.

When we say or even think that we are victims, we weaken our selves. In the society in which we live there will always be an oppressor and the oppressed; it is the oppressed that defines the cruelty of the oppression.

Let me give you an example, when I was in college (20) I was verbally abuseed by a group of ‘cool kids’; they made fun of the way I walked and called me mean names; although this hurt my dignity and although I did cry I did not let this abuse become abusive. How? Had I ruminated on the nasty names I was called or started feeling sorry for myself due to my walking ability, I would have given them the power to define me and subjugated myself to them and their abuse, instead I got angry, set up meeting with the dean, and forgot about it.

Once we call ourselves victims, once we allow ourselves to consider a demeaning remark someone else says about us: we become abused. All throughout high school I was made fun of for the way I walked and although it did hurt, although I would cry etc. etc. I never let it become abuse by knowing these were ignorant comments. Now I can also say that these comments were more harmful to the commenter’s rather than me.