We often wonder, savor, dream, or ruminate on the ideal love life. We get our notions from the media, experiences, and what we observe. Snuggling under the blanket on a cold day, having moonlit dinners, and walking across the beach under a beautiful sunset with our partner are romantic notions that we have all yearned for or experienced at some point in our lives. But what happens after these romantic events are done?
I unabashedly admit that I am guilty of having these yearnings. Having someone to catch you when you fall or to experience new things with is a wonderful notion, but we (I) tend to forget the baggage that will come along with that someone.
Before we can even try to find that companion that will ‘complete us,’ before we can even begin to look outward to find the partner we are willing to compromise, sacrifice, and adjust for, our even before we can expect our current partner to complement us we need to look inward and complete ourselves.
Only once we know ourselves can we experience or expect to experience
anything satisfying. The most important relationship we develop is the one with ourselves. Most of us live our whole lives not really knowing who we are: not knowing what we truly enjoy, what really bothers us, or what we actually want. If we do not fully understand ourselves we wander through life waiting, hoping, and searching for the someone or something that will fulfill us. When we nurture, spend time, and learn to listen to ourselves we can understand what we really want; when we recognize what makes us happy, what makes us sad, and what satisfies us we can ask for and seek the things we want and need instead of searching for thing that may or may not bring us fulfillment.
The reason we do not get what we want is because we do not really know what we want. Humans are fickle, easily distracted, and impatient. We think having a partner with xyz qualities will make us happy, but look the other way as soon as we see someone more appealing. We are attracted to and seek out person x until we are introduced to a new and shiner prospective object of our attention. When we see something that makes us happy we run after it and when it does not bare immediate fruit a new search will begin to that will aim to fill the void that our initial search failed to fill.
Once we begin our relationship ourselves we can better understand what we really need and want. Developing a relation with yourself is as much of an investment as taking care of a new puppy or making a new friend; you will need to spend time by and with yourself in order to learn how you feel about things, how you react to things, and what the natural tendencies of your body are. This is the study of the self on an intimate level. Study on this level will allow us to know ourselves on a soul level.
This study will not only be an enlightening and uplifting journey, it will introduce us to the greatest love of our lives, the one person we cannot live without. Finding out our strengths, weaknesses trigger points, fears, and motivators will give us a new understanding and guide us to a smoother path in life. We will better be able to articulate what we want and what we don’t want.
Your love story will begin while on this journey; you will realize the height of your own accomplishments, the strength of your character, the wounds you have healed, and how deserving and unique you really are. Once you know yourself you will automatically feel a sense of fulfillment and will start looking inwards rather than out for things that will make you happy.